Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
