Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
