He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
