Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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