I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
