either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
