She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
