D3 body, D1 cock
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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