god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just found puke in my bra..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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