I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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