Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
i was born a porn star she said
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
