My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
