if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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