I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
