I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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