I can text with my tongue
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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