I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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