she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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