I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
