life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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