Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
