..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
