Don't you send me to vm
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
