and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize