so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
