The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
