Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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