Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
