i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
