she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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