Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
