No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
