I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
