Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
