Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
