I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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