Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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