I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
