either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
