Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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