For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
