I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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