That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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