Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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