where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize