I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
