I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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