I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
