saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
