I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
