If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
