Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
