I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
it's like heaven, but drunker
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
