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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
