Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Let the clothes fall where they may.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize