You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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