The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
