For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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