I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
