im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
