whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Semen is not good for contacts.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
