Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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