NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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