How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
