The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
