My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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