What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
