did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
