I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize
