Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
