Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
